Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
