cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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