yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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