Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
