What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
