And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
