You smell like stripper and shame
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
