he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
