you're like a bully in the Christmas story
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
