Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
