What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
