i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
