Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
