he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
