i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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