so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
