If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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