I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How naked do you want me to be?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
