i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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