I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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