People with herpes should wear stickers.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
