Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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