Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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