she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
