You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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