Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
