I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
