winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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