You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
