my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
