That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
