I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
