i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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