let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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