Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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