Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
