I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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