how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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