If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
