you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
