Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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