i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize