i jhust puked up my retainher.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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