i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
