The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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