when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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