She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me