He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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