Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
