Porn is love you can see.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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