You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
