I think my vagina is haunted
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
