I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize