so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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