Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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