I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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