Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
