; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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