I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
