if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
