How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
