6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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