Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Everything about him screamed your future.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
