Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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