I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
