thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
