guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
