is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
