Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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